Benoit

So Chris Benoit, apparently, killed his son on Saturday night, hog-tied and suffocated his wife on Sunday, then kicked the chair out from under himself on Monday. WWE has taken the tack of "Benoit never existed. We will not talk about him. He is a murderer."

What a load of shit. This is a guy who gave everything to the company, his body and soul, entertaining the fans without ever seeing the sort of secondary deals less-talented but more marketable stars did. He broke his neck for the company, quite literally, and this is how they treat him?!

Benoit deserves better. He was a company guy and obviously he was very troubled at the end. He definitely experienced a total nervous breakdown, and the old Icarus line is hearkened-to: those that fly highest fall the furthest. He deserves better, he deserves a Hall of Fame spot. Just because he had a breakdown- and I'm not trying to minimize the double-murder/suicide- doesn't mean his in-ring contributions are in any way lessened.

And through it all, Jake the Snake Roberts lives on...

Rich White Guys 1, Pittsburgh Public Courses 0

It wasn't a massacre. It wasn't the hardest course ever. And the rains the night before significantly reduced the speed of the greens (which led to its own series of hilarities as pros kept coming up three inches short).
I watched golf about ten years ago, and the ads for it then are certainly still true now: these guys are good. With most people finishing within two strokes of Par (which is 70 instead of 72), it wasn't nearly as bad as everyone thought it would be. So kudos to the pros on the first day of the US Open.

Yay for humiliated rich guys!

The 107th US Open is about to start, and you can bet I'll be watching it this weekend. "What sane person would watch golf on TV?" you might ask.

The kind of person who delights in the comedic humbling of others.

Those of you who remember the death march of the 1994 Open won by Ernie Els probably still wake up weeping from the images. Els bogeyed the 16th and 18th holes on Sunday to stumble into a three-way 18 hole playoff the next day. He then shot 3-over on Monday and then STILL had to contend with two holes of sudden death to finally take home the title.

However, the course has undergone one minor change since then.

The trees are gone.

Oakmont has gone back to its roots as an authentic links-style course. No water and no trees. Just the tee, the green, and those unspeakably evil bunkers. It's stark and terrifying, a post-apocalyptic stroll through every golfer's worst nightmare. The greens play like lumpy sofa-bed mattresses coated with glass. With no cover from the trees, the wind will be a factor as will the fresh rough.

If you're still not convinced, how about a #8 hole that could play as a 300-yard par 3? Or the Par 5 #12 which will play at an amazing 667 yards, the longest hole in major championship history?

The course is a Par-70. Numerous pros this weekend will look at their scorecard, see a 74 or 75 and think "Man, that was a great round I shot today". More than one will walk off the course after a round of 80 or more. It will be humbling and hilarious. Finally the pros will feel the way I do after hacking and stumbling my way around a pitch-n-putt, then throwing my flea-market clubs into the closet for another four months.

I love the US Open.

Paris Lockup II: The Quickening

I don't want to write about Paris Hilton, but I do want to quote from The Princess Bride, since that movie is awesome. Lost in the shuffle is the report that, among other debilitating mental conditions that prevent her from serving a jail sentence, Paris Hilton alleges that she suffers from ADD, attention deficit disorder.
"I do not think this means what you think it means"
Paris: Attention Deficit Disorder is not defined as suffering a disorder when you're experiencing a deficit of attention being paid to you.
I hate America.

Hello World

See this is why I don't have a MySpace.* Fucking teenage wastes of life. Navigating the morass of awful profiles is nigh-impossible, and I don't think I've agreed more than I do with the saying:
Myspace: You and Everyone in Earshot are going to love the first five seconds of this song!
Skaboom started whining a few days ago about how he needed to start blogging, or as it's known to people from the 1800's, "journaling." Now, I know a fair bit about writing about yourself- it's a fairly straightforward process:
• Commit to writing every day,
• Be honest with yourself,
• Lie on paper on the off-chance someone else reads it.

So in the spirit of Journaling, here is a narcissistic, self-absorbed trip through the rest of 2007, courtesy of a drunken yinzer and an unrepentant chaos-sower. Enjoy!

_{* I actually do have a MySpace :(}