Greatest Smear Ever

Dems fear NASCAR! claims Republican asshole. Why do conservatives and NASCAR go hand in hand?

Nascar racing is a metaphor for conservative politics - artificial celebrities (who are admittedly skilled at what they do) riding nearly identical machines at high speed, jostling each other to see who can be the first back where they started. Lots of people watch with slack-jawed interest; others only care when one of the racers fails spectacularly.

Dems are terrible politicians

I would just like to see Democrats calling bullshit. Even Hillary was, for my tastes, pretty meek when she accused Republicans of trying to avoid the real debate when they focused on the MoveOn ad. Is it really too politically volatile and unviable for her to say "Yes, the ad was a cheap shot and an even cheaper joke. It's not good news for Democrats, it's good news for Republicans, and they're a lot happier about it than we are. It gives them something to harp on again and again, and avoid the real debate about the validity of the Petraeus and Crocker testimonies and whether or not we should persist in a futile war that's costing us money and lives."

Reid, Durbin, Schumer, Pelosi, Hoyer have been outmanuevered by Bush, McConnell, Lott, Boehner, and Blount. Not to mention Petraeus and Crocker made most of them look like lightweights. We're involved in a very unpopular war, and the Democrats don't want to end it if it isn't easy. They need to make the Republicans actually fillibuster and not simply give up.

NO J

So O.J.'s in trouble again. The problem with that is this: Right now, as we speak, our brothers and sons are dying in Iraq for no good reason. Harry Reid, Senate Democrat leader, should be shot in the fucking head for being a complete pussy about this. He should be on every single talk show, all the time, talking about how theoretically moderate Republicans are killing their constituent's children by blocking legislation to end this war. Even political-minded shows (like MSNBC on Super Tuesdays) are covering the O.J. case, which is at its core an armed robbery case in Las Vegas, no more, no less, and deserves maybe some coverage by local Vegas 6pm newscasts, with at least 40% of their time.

THIS IS NOT A STORY THAT MATTERS.

O.J.'s guilt or innocence, freedom or incarceration, anything about him (or any other one person) pales in insignificance next to the most important issue facing America: Stopping the power-mad sociopath living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Lecherous Old Man XX

So I bought an XBox to finally play the new Madden in HiDef. I didn't need it, but I bought it anyway. Then I traded in the demo disc that came with it and picked up Rumble Roses XX. It's an okay grappler/wrestler game, but looking at the digital tight-skinned girls in form-fitting underwear just makes me feel like a lech.
I also picked up a few other games, Need for Speed: Most Wanted and BioShock, both of which I'm playing through, and NBA Homecourt, the multiplayer mode being the source of 90% of the creative profanity in my apartment.
Anyway, here's my gamertag:



The irony is that, I haven't touched Madden, or only barely. There's just too many other good games to play. Add to that the games workload of actually beating the games I already own, plus the games roommate/co-blogger Skaboom added to the gamut and it's a not-insignificant chunk.

MVP's finisher, the TTB, replaced by JFB

http://justiceforbenoit.com/

Seriously.

via con dios, del sol

I sold my car on Thursday. So far, it's working out well. I bummed a ride home Thursday night with a neighbor at my job, then rode my bike to work Friday, tossed in a buddy's truck and brought it home that night, borrowed my roomie's car on Saturday, and walked to work today. It really isn't that bad, and the freedom I've lost is barely noticeable. Of course, this is three day's worth of carlessness, for the first time since 1997. I'm off the grid, baybee. Woo woo!

A Century of Futility

Barring the Phillies winning out the season (shattering virtually every baseball season record in the process), they should receive their 10,000 franchise loss immediately before or after the All-Star Game.

Congratulations to Philadelphia fans, who have by far endured more heartache and loss than any other city.

Scootergate

There isn't a whole lot I can say that hasn't been said already by a million different pundits and a half-billion bloggers, all with their own unique take, so I wont. I'll just sum up with this statement, paraphrased from Keith Olbermann's Special Comment on Tuesday:

• This commutation has for a great many Americans crystallized what political watchers have known for months: that this Administration is corrupt to the core, partisan beyond reason, and believes itself above the law.

What isn't being discussed is that the Administration is right. WWithout a congress in possession of its balls, the administration can do whatever it wants. Nevermind that there's less than two years left in the term. Nevermind that it sets a terrible precedent to impeach two Presidents in a row. Nevermind the political fallout. This President is a menace who is, sadly, above the law unless someone tells him otherwise.

I've been toying with the idea of getting an American flag and flying it upside-down in front of my shop. The upside-down national banner is a wartime symbol of dire, urgent national peril, and I don't know that anything else lately proves that more than the brazenness of the Libby "pardon."

Benoit

So Chris Benoit, apparently, killed his son on Saturday night, hog-tied and suffocated his wife on Sunday, then kicked the chair out from under himself on Monday. WWE has taken the tack of "Benoit never existed. We will not talk about him. He is a murderer."

What a load of shit. This is a guy who gave everything to the company, his body and soul, entertaining the fans without ever seeing the sort of secondary deals less-talented but more marketable stars did. He broke his neck for the company, quite literally, and this is how they treat him?!

Benoit deserves better. He was a company guy and obviously he was very troubled at the end. He definitely experienced a total nervous breakdown, and the old Icarus line is hearkened-to: those that fly highest fall the furthest. He deserves better, he deserves a Hall of Fame spot. Just because he had a breakdown- and I'm not trying to minimize the double-murder/suicide- doesn't mean his in-ring contributions are in any way lessened.

And through it all, Jake the Snake Roberts lives on...

Rich White Guys 1, Pittsburgh Public Courses 0

It wasn't a massacre. It wasn't the hardest course ever. And the rains the night before significantly reduced the speed of the greens (which led to its own series of hilarities as pros kept coming up three inches short).
I watched golf about ten years ago, and the ads for it then are certainly still true now: these guys are good. With most people finishing within two strokes of Par (which is 70 instead of 72), it wasn't nearly as bad as everyone thought it would be. So kudos to the pros on the first day of the US Open.

Yay for humiliated rich guys!

The 107th US Open is about to start, and you can bet I'll be watching it this weekend. "What sane person would watch golf on TV?" you might ask.

The kind of person who delights in the comedic humbling of others.

Those of you who remember the death march of the 1994 Open won by Ernie Els probably still wake up weeping from the images. Els bogeyed the 16th and 18th holes on Sunday to stumble into a three-way 18 hole playoff the next day. He then shot 3-over on Monday and then STILL had to contend with two holes of sudden death to finally take home the title.

However, the course has undergone one minor change since then.

The trees are gone.

Oakmont has gone back to its roots as an authentic links-style course. No water and no trees. Just the tee, the green, and those unspeakably evil bunkers. It's stark and terrifying, a post-apocalyptic stroll through every golfer's worst nightmare. The greens play like lumpy sofa-bed mattresses coated with glass. With no cover from the trees, the wind will be a factor as will the fresh rough.

If you're still not convinced, how about a #8 hole that could play as a 300-yard par 3? Or the Par 5 #12 which will play at an amazing 667 yards, the longest hole in major championship history?

The course is a Par-70. Numerous pros this weekend will look at their scorecard, see a 74 or 75 and think "Man, that was a great round I shot today". More than one will walk off the course after a round of 80 or more. It will be humbling and hilarious. Finally the pros will feel the way I do after hacking and stumbling my way around a pitch-n-putt, then throwing my flea-market clubs into the closet for another four months.

I love the US Open.

Paris Lockup II: The Quickening

I don't want to write about Paris Hilton, but I do want to quote from The Princess Bride, since that movie is awesome. Lost in the shuffle is the report that, among other debilitating mental conditions that prevent her from serving a jail sentence, Paris Hilton alleges that she suffers from ADD, attention deficit disorder.
"I do not think this means what you think it means"
Paris: Attention Deficit Disorder is not defined as suffering a disorder when you're experiencing a deficit of attention being paid to you.
I hate America.

Hello World

See this is why I don't have a MySpace.* Fucking teenage wastes of life. Navigating the morass of awful profiles is nigh-impossible, and I don't think I've agreed more than I do with the saying:
Myspace: You and Everyone in Earshot are going to love the first five seconds of this song!
Skaboom started whining a few days ago about how he needed to start blogging, or as it's known to people from the 1800's, "journaling." Now, I know a fair bit about writing about yourself- it's a fairly straightforward process:
• Commit to writing every day,
• Be honest with yourself,
• Lie on paper on the off-chance someone else reads it.

So in the spirit of Journaling, here is a narcissistic, self-absorbed trip through the rest of 2007, courtesy of a drunken yinzer and an unrepentant chaos-sower. Enjoy!

_{* I actually do have a MySpace :(}